Sunday, August 2, 2009

A Dreary Day

It was a rainy afternoon, the clouds were covering any bit of sunshine that tried to break through. The television was blaring in the background, the mans dog sat up on the couch resting its head on the cushion. He looked out the window watching it rain as he didn't feel so great.

He was sad, his love for almost everything was no more. He started to wonder if anyone really cared about him anymore. He tried to tell himself many times that it was just all in his head. He even thought that maybe he could just shake off his problems.

It wasn't that simple as he walked towards the fridge, he grabbed anything and everything and started to eat. He could only satisfy his cravings, but even after that it didn't seem to help. He thought to himself, what is wrong with me? He knew that this was not normal for him.

He was angry at the world for rejecting him, for making fun of him. The truth was, the world had not rejected him, the world didn't hate him. It was all in his head and it would be a matter of time before he would come to his senses.

He walked towards the bathroom and opened the cupboard. He looked in and saw several different bottles, for the first time in his life he started to contemplate suicide. He knew that he couldn't take a knife and stab himself, he was not strong enough.

His alternative he thought was to take as many pills as he could and that would just take away the pain. He thought that he would no longer have to deal with the troubles that each day had to offer. He would no longer have to worry about those who would tease him and make fun of him. He would be free from it all, he knew that this was the only thing to do. Or was it he thought?

He stood there for a few minutes looking at that bottle, looking at the lable and trying to gain up enough courage to do something that he would soon regret. He started to take one pill, then two and then three. Eventually he started to take more, but he was starting to sob as he didn't know what he was doing.

He spit them out and fell to his knees. He was not strong enough to do such a thing, he knew how much he was in pain, but there was no reason to end it all. He would never see his family again, never see anyone that he loved again.

He knew he was having a bad day, he knew his troubles were great. He also knew that whatever was bothering him will soon come to pass. He grabbed that bottle, put the cap back on and put it back in the cupboard.

At this point he felt so bad for being so stupid. He sat down on the floor against the wall, his legs stretched out and his hands reaching up as high as they would go. He looked up towards the ceiling and started to speak.

"Why? , Why oh Lord do I suffer? Why does the world hate me and why do I feel this way? I don't know what to do, I truly don't. I can't seem to get this pain to go away no matter how much I try. I just want to be free of it all, I thought if I end it all that would be the best solution."

"I'm never happy anymore, I don't even like the things that I used to, what is wrong with me? Do you even exist? Are you there?"

He started to believe that there was no God because his problems had not been answered, he felt as if the Lord had abandoned him. He was in so much pain and couldn't stop crying. He reached for a kleenex and started to dab his eyes as he wiped away the tears.

"If you really do exist, why won't you show yourself?" Just then he heard a rumble of thunder that rocked the house. He stood up quickly and walked towards the living room. He looked out the window and there was no clouds. What the? he thought. He looked around to see some thunder clouds and there was none.

This truly freaked him out as he turned to go and look out the sliding glass door on the other side of the living room. He walked halfway towards the door and something even stranger happened. The television in the livingroom just turned on, he didn't remember touching the remote.

The last station he was on, was the cable music channel. The song that was starting to play really started to lift his spirits. He walked back to the living room and wrote down the artist and song. He loved the song so much, so he recorded it immediately and listened to it over and over. He wrote down Twila Paris "Days of Elijah."

He started to sing the lyrics which made him feel so good inside. He sang

Behold He Comes, Riding On The Clouds
Shining Like The Sun, At The Trumpet Call
So Lift Your Voice, It's The Year Of Jubilee
And Out Of Zions Hill, Salvation Comes

It was such an uplifting song that it made him feel great inside. He knew that something was definately wrong with him. It wasn't normal to be feeling so down all of the time. The inspirational music that he always listened to shouldn't be what cheers him up everytime, yes it's great to listen to, but he shouldn't have to rely on the music to bring him into a good mood. He thought that he should be happy all of the time.

He tried to figure it out, as he sat down grabbing the laptop he went to a website called WebMD. He looked at the website and before his very eyes was something he was not expecting. The website had a big advertizement about Depression. He started to read it and soon he found that most of the symptoms were ones that he has.

It was very strange, how thunder, then a song and now a website could reveal to him his problem. He first tried to dismiss it as a freak thundercloud that he couldn't see.

He thought that maybe one of the cats bumped the remote, that the music just happened to be one that he liked and it came on at the right time. The webpage was just an advertizement and that he was just making more out of nothing.

He knew that wasn't true, he knew exactly what someone was trying to do. He could feel the temptation of the devil trying to tell him that it was all in his head. You don't have a problem now do you? He could feel his presence trying to steer him away from God even further.

There was no way that he was going to let any temptations come in his way, he wasn't going to be a fool and he knew that these things that happened were a sign from God. He believed in them and he listened to what God had to say.

God was trying to get his attention through the thunder, the music was to bring his spirits back up and the website was to tell him that he did have a problem. He could feel God telling him that you are not alone, millions suffer from Depression and it's not something to be ashamed of.

He reached for the phone and called his doctor, he didn't want to put it off anymore or forget about it. This was something he didn't want to deal with anymore. He wanted help, he wanted to be happy and if it means getting something for his problems he was not afraid to do it.

Several months had passed, he was starting to feel great. He could feel the happiness returning in his life and he couldn't believe that he never thought of this sooner. Never again did the thought of suicide return and he looked back at the problems he had and learned from them. Each day was not going to be a cakewalk. He knew that there are going to be good days and bad days. He knew that in his bad days he would reach out to the Lord and the Lord would get him through it.

The next day he went to work and was talking with a coworker. He started to tell him about his experience, it was strange and at the same time it was very cool. He started to realize something.

He said, that everywhere around us are signs from Heaven. He told his friend that if you just take a little bit of your time to listen and pay attention to the little things you will see God working in your life. So many go through their lives not even taking notice to what God is doing.

He said, for example I was driving here and 3 out of the last four days a song started playing on the radio just as I pulled into the parking lot. It was that song God Will Take Care of You by Plumb. He heard it the first few days, but after he heard it again he knew that God was trying to reach out to him.

He thought that when we do bad or when we are not paying attention to God, he sends us signs trying to get our attention and bring us back to him. He also remembers working and when he would drop a fruit or vegetable by accident he would realize that it was bad. It's just that he didn't see it, it was also God's way of saying don't put it there, it's bad!

He knew of countless others that have happened to him, but he couldn't think of them all. He knew then that God was working 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week and was with us always. It is for us to acknowledge him and show him our devotion, then he will show us things we never dreamed of.


  1. I have enjoyed reading your Dreary Day post. As a matter of fact it is raining where I live right now. You might check out my posts as well at
    One of my recent entries mentions a book you might enjoy reading "When God Winks At You" by Squire Rushnell. It is a book about the everyday coincidences which God uses to communicate with us. Great easy read!

  2. This was interesting. God helps those who seek his help.We all must turn to god for his guidance and help!