Friday, October 9, 2009


It was early one morning and I awoke and my wife asked one simple thing of me, I knew that I wanted to sleep in. I wasn't too happy about it, like any normal person I didn't feel normal.

I started to get angry and started to feel as if she was nagging at me, I felt like she was trying to control my life. I knew that was not the case, but deeply inside my mind I was starting to get more and more angry. I started to yell at her and tell her to leave me alone. I just wanted to sleep, I felt tired and worn out.

I could tell through the sounds of her voice that she was starting to get stressed out and upset. I felt like I didn't care at all about her, I was starting to get in a rage and I felt like the whole world was against me.

My daughter woke up and started to cry, I started to get even more upset. I started to take my frustrations out on her. I was now starting to loose it, I started to feel like all I wanted is to be alone.

I didn't even seem to think about whether I cared for my wife and child. It was just taking over me, I was starting to loose control of my actions. I ran down stairs and started to get really upset. I even got to the point that I started to throw things around, my anger has started to lead to violence. I know that I would never touch her or hurt my daughter. At least I was in control of that. So many others, do not have the control or do things that they will soon regret.

I soon found out that Depression was probably the cause of it. I felt terrible for my actions and the way I had been treating her. So many of you who feel the same way and are not alone. It's something that so many of us have, many of us keep our feelings bottled up inside and don't tell anyone.

Men are the worst ones who don't want to admit they have a problem. Soon afterwords I realized that Depression was a part of me as it was a part of my family history. I never really thought about that one, but now it was reality and I had to live with it.

Several weeks after I started on the medication I felt like a new person. There were changes in my life that I never dreamed were possible. I was no longer upset every moment of the day or feeling like suicide. It was if my burdens had been lifted.

I will admit, that medicine can not do it alone. You have to be willing to take control of your life and give it to Jesus. You can't win it alone, even if you try yourself. You will fail and all your problems will come creeping back in faster than you can imagine.

Jesus has always been a big part of my life, without him I would not be here today. He has given me the strength to be someone I never dreamed of. A person who wants to reach out and touch as many lives as I possibly can.

So if you feel that you are hurting, that you're sad or that you don't think your life matters, you're NOT alone! Things can be better for you, just ask the Lord to help you and he will help you seek help. It's never too late!

"If God Will Get You To It, He Will Get You Through It"


  1. I think this is a great post. So many people have mental illness like depression or bipolar disorder (including me) and it seems as if our culture would like to hide and pretend it doesn't exist and if they hide long enough it will go away. It doesn't go away for the majority of people because it is an illness, not just a time you feel sad or down. Depression is a medical issue and must be dealt with.

    It sounds like you have gotten through it with the help of God. I know I wouldn't be alive either if it wasn't for God. ~KK

  2. Wow! What a truly amazing post! Cudos to you for being honest and sharing the story. There are millions of people everywhere suffering just as you did,who choose different actions for their problems. Giving it to God is the best thing any of us can ever do for any of our problems!

  3. Your right about the men having a hard time admitting it but women do too. It isn't really that they arent sure there is something not right its "What are others going to think" and really the only one you have to answer to is God in the end, I think. I am on meds and have been for a long time. My doctor told me that its just like a diabetic needing insulin we need serotonin to our brains and just aren't getting enough. But once those meds start working you realize how much you need your brain and how bad you really were. Thanks for the post. God Bless